Kid Brother to a Ragamuffin

I’m going through kind of a rough time, I suppose it’s been said it’s darkest before the dawn, but I’m a bit scared stiff, I haveno Idea if I’m going to be able to make it much longer, I’m relying on God and I know he’ll get me through and like a paradox I’m also sure that I will perish unless I rely on myself. My common sense has betrayed my God. I’m so sure God wants me where I am, but I’m not sure for how long I can’t carry this weight much longer. I know two things are true, at the rate I am going I will be in trouble in three months, but I am sure that God is in it. It’s so easy for me to just give up right now.

  I can’t make myself deny what God wants me to do.

When I surrendered to preach, or rather before I did, I fought hard against the calling of God. I knew without a doubt God wanted me to speak before congregations. So I told God, “God I’ll just teach more in the youth.” Having fixed myself I went on a few months (miserably) trying to give something good instead of something God wanted. Then I Said “Ok God, I’ll give you my preaching and I’ll be a Pastor” This marks the beginning of a three year battle between me and God. I fought the calling of God in many ways simply because I promised God to be reserved to a pastorate. Well after this battle I broke down and became rulable by God and decided that he wanted me to be a preacher and never a pastor. So I went on my way fr a few months (about 8 ) and then I figured it out, God wanted me to give everything to Him. Not just a little piece of me, but all of me. Give him my voice my life my home my family. Everything.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

It seems to me that we take for granted the things that are most important to us. We are so focussed on the facts and figures that we forget the very things we have been taught as a child. Such as sharing. In our world one scarecly is found giving of himself to make another feel good. We are so consumed with making sure we feel good that others can simply be neglected. Honestly, what makes life worth if it’s simply how much money we can make, or how much fun we can have? I would much rather spend my life making others feel good and have a few friends then to horde to myself money and be without even one friend.

   I think when we become grown ups we forget things that are true. That it is better to make someone feel love and in turn recieve love back, then to have the cold worthlessness of entertainment or money.

  In the beginning of this post I quoted a book that I suggest you read at least once, it shouldn’t take you more than a half hour. It is called “the little prince.” After being reminded of it on the internet I went out and bought it today.

  There is great wisdom in diligence and love, two things that bring about things tangible, but in themselves invisible.

We as christians make a habbit of asking God to Work in our lives. The sad fact of the matter is that very few of us pray that we please God with our endeavors. We Seek his hands. We want to see Him work in us, and through us, we want to see great things happen. We want to see People come to Jesus. But are we seeking the face of God, or just his hands? Because to seek the face of God is to seek what pleases him. What makes God smile?

   I think we put too much weight in what we can Get from God and forget all that we can Give to God.

 Joy, is an unspeakable phenomena within my heart, which oddly enough I love tell the reason for it. It is unspeakable in that I cannot explain how amazing it is, it’s more than a warm feeling, its more than the bubbles rising from your stomach to the bottom of your throat. It’s kind of like when you rode a rollercoaster up to the top of the hill and as you slowly start down, you want to yell, and close your eyes. It’s not scary because of the faith you have in the rollercoaster, but it’s breathtaking in the element of never having done it before.

  My Joy is like that. I hear the stories of Christ, and I see His promise and I am slowly climbing a hill, and when I open my eyes at the top of the hill, I’ll see it all in it’s entirety and that is when my joy will be made complete at the decent into the arms of which my faith is placed.

   It is joy unspeakable. I can’t tell you what it’s like, I only hope you already know.